sacredchao: (Default)
[personal profile] sacredchao
It's nearly 3am and I cannot sleep. I have a meeting at work tomorrow where I will be advised that I no longer have a job due to "breach of policies", that is, I'm working too slowly. Tomorrow will be the first time I have gone to work this week and I will be going in purely for that meeting. At that point, I will no longer have a job and subsequently, an income.

This is not a surprise. On Monday, being driven to the shops and buying some groceries was enough to reduce me to a panting, sweaty, aching wreck. Today, making dinner did something similar. I can't work. Hell, I can't even look after myself. I had to rely on a friend to buy cat food for me the other day so that the fluffbrat didn't go hungry. So not a surprise. But this is where the wheels really fall off my life. I lose the ability to retain my home by dint of my own efforts. Doing the simplest things HURTS and renders me incapable of doing another of the simplest things. So I can't lay down and close my eyes without thinking of tomorrow, and then I cry. Crying is another of those simple things which can be exhausting, so I should avoid that. So I make ugly terrified keening noises while tears run disconcertingly into my ears and my cat flees to the relative peace of the loungeroom. This is no fun so I've made a pot of tea and am just going to try to draw breath.

I am so over this. I am over being sad and angry and frightened and sore and exhausted. I think I'm into the bargaining stage which is awkward because there is nobody to whom I can beg to make things better. So I'm back to anger. It's a really good thing that I'm still way more interested in being me than being nothing because dark thoughts can be awfully dark. I just found a whole other set of ways in which a lot of things in the world that people take for granted are not for me anymore. I wonder just how circumscribed my existence is going to be. I wonder just how long my friendships can remain active in the face of me not being able to do much to maintain them. So I see my life shrinking in scope and the days running into each other until disability trickles into old age and I gently and oh so blandly and tediously wink out. This was not the life script I had in mind and I mourn the self who I had hoped to spend the remainder of my life with. I need this to not be my reality, please.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-03-15 07:49 pm (UTC)
mrsbrown: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mrsbrown
Have you got insurance as part of your superannuation that can give you income support?

Also, you may be able to withdraw some of your super on compassionate grounds.

It seems like you should be getting long term medical leave rather than the sack. Have you spoken with a GP? What about an advocate, like a union rep?

I don't know the whole story, but it might be better to avoid going to the meeting so you have a bit of time to arrange things so you can do sick leave rather than termination. Obviously, you'll need to tell them you're too unwell to attend the meeting.

Also, go see a community financial advisor. They might be able to work out how you can stay where you are. That seems to be one of your main stressors and I understand that stress contributes to your illness.

At the very least, you should be able to stop paying your mortgage for a while if you talk to your bank. They want you to keep your house too.

I'll be thinking of you.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-03-18 11:53 am (UTC)
splodgenoodles: (Default)
From: [personal profile] splodgenoodles
I'm really sorry to hear all this.

Just something to write down somewhere for when it needs looking at: Maurice Blackburn (law firm) are really good with both accessing super and the disability payout that some schemes have. No win, no fee.

Also, I have found the FIS officers at C'link to be very helpful, often know more about C'link than financial planners.

Good luck.

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sacredchao

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