One useful idea for this sort of debate is the idea of sins of omission as well as sins of commission. That provides a difference between 'all men are potential rapists' (which I don't think is in any way helpful) and 'you're a decent bloke, so what are you doing to stop it?'. And that's where I think that the vast decent majority do have a responsibility that many don't step up to. To step in to stop acts of violence or abuse when they see them happening, and, just as importantly to take responsibility not for the acts but for the issue, to make sure that issues of violence against women are not labeled 'women's issues' and dismissed. To work positively to build a society where the laws, policing, and court systems are effective, and where there is a zero tolerance of this kind of violence. To ensure that there's adequate funding for shelters for victims of violence, recovery programs and help. To ensure that no woman (or man) has the experience my sister did a month or so ago where she fled an abusive marriage, went to the police to be told that due to funding cuts the domestic violence officer only worked mornings Monday to Friday and the shelters were full and that nothing could be done to help her.
So, good, decent men and women out there, when did you last raise money for a shelter for victims of domestic violence? Or write to your MP to protest a funding cut for a domestic violence officer, or to ask for money for one? (Anne Summers in Ducks on the Pond points out that when she moved to Sydney in 1976 there was not one domestic violence shelter - she and her friends raised the money, ran it on a shoe string and lobbied NSW parliament for funding.) You can write letters to the paper or call up radio stations every time another stupid footballer is violent to a woman - better yet, stop paying money to see the football games and tell the clubs that their attitude is unacceptable.
Oh yes, all of the above applies to women too, in fact to individuals of any gender and orientation, but the reality is that a lot of good, decent, non-rapist non-violent blokes don't see it as their issue and women carry the burden of the work.
In the meantime, I continue to understand why women in a domestic violence shelter would not want a man there, even if that man is a non-threatening individual. Victims of that kind of trauma can't afford to take risks and shouldn't be re-traumatised. I don't know what the answer to that is, but I do see that it's a serious problem, and I do think that it's the responsibility of all of us to work towards a solution.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2012-06-20 02:35 pm (UTC)So, good, decent men and women out there, when did you last raise money for a shelter for victims of domestic violence? Or write to your MP to protest a funding cut for a domestic violence officer, or to ask for money for one? (Anne Summers in Ducks on the Pond points out that when she moved to Sydney in 1976 there was not one domestic violence shelter - she and her friends raised the money, ran it on a shoe string and lobbied NSW parliament for funding.) You can write letters to the paper or call up radio stations every time another stupid footballer is violent to a woman - better yet, stop paying money to see the football games and tell the clubs that their attitude is unacceptable.
Oh yes, all of the above applies to women too, in fact to individuals of any gender and orientation, but the reality is that a lot of good, decent, non-rapist non-violent blokes don't see it as their issue and women carry the burden of the work.
In the meantime, I continue to understand why women in a domestic violence shelter would not want a man there, even if that man is a non-threatening individual. Victims of that kind of trauma can't afford to take risks and shouldn't be re-traumatised. I don't know what the answer to that is, but I do see that it's a serious problem, and I do think that it's the responsibility of all of us to work towards a solution.