That's how I ro...Oh.

[sacredchao]

I had my consultation with the arthroscopic surgeon today and came away with just about the worst possible outcome, which is to say that my knee is untreatable and shouldn't be banged about more than can possibly be helped. This effectively kills derby for me.

Apparently cartilage doesn't do healing very well. In terms of medical science we're really still at the stage of cutting off the troublesome parts. I don't have flaps or lumps of cartilage getting in the way, I just have tears or "fissuring". Those can't be excised so there's not a useful surgical option. I will talk to other people and explore options thoroughly but the surgeon was horribly rational and made more sense than I wanted him to.

I have no idea what to do now. Hanging around derby as a maimed NSO or maybe referee has little appeal but I can't walk away either - the people are far far too important to me.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate my body?

Comments

[danni]

Sucks, hon. We are all much too fragile and breakable.

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

I am really sorry.

[bar-barra.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. That is a terrible blow. *sympathy*

Sorry

[paypabakwriter.livejournal.com]

I am sorry about your injury but you are so much more than a maimed body. You are more than a misgendered body as well. (Misassigned gender?)

If these roller derby friends are important, you can participate and no one is going to think the less of you as a referee or whatever NSO means, or some other role. Any true friend of yours knows the shape of your heart and that is all that matters.

[ms-kilian.livejournal.com]

Take time to grieve for all that was and all the you hoped would be. I know you've been through this grieving process more than most of us these past few years. You know it will get better, but for now, it really hurts. That's ok. It really sucks, and that's ok too.
The solution will present itself in time. Trust yourself, trust the derby girls. You are loved.

[f-m-r-l.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry you won't be able to skate. And I hope you'll find some way to still be a vital part of the community.