Projection is how we form attractions and relationships. We start by seeing something desirable in another that transcends sexual attraction, and which resonates deeply in us - either because we feel we are like that, or because we want to be. Often, we're responding to something in another that we've repressed or never been able to express due to cultural/family/etc factors.
That initial projection allows us to make the relationship happen. After that, moving beyond the projection to seeing the person as they really are is where a lot of relationships founder. We feel cheated, as though they've lied to us - or we feel stupid for not seeing the 'real' person. The trick, I guess, is to be sufficiently self-aware to keep in mind that while the person isn't the 'love-of-our-dreams', there is much in them that is like that - because a projection won't 'stick' if that person doesn't possess some of those qualities.
Ever tried dialoguing with yourself, or more specifically, the part of yourself that you see reflected in those who attract you? I used to do it by dividing a page in two lengthwise, and writing questions from my 'daily' self on one side, then responding as the desired self on the other. It can be surprisingly enlightening.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2012-01-04 10:40 pm (UTC)To digress momentarily into Jungian theory ... :)
Projection is how we form attractions and relationships. We start by seeing something desirable in another that transcends sexual attraction, and which resonates deeply in us - either because we feel we are like that, or because we want to be. Often, we're responding to something in another that we've repressed or never been able to express due to cultural/family/etc factors.
That initial projection allows us to make the relationship happen. After that, moving beyond the projection to seeing the person as they really are is where a lot of relationships founder. We feel cheated, as though they've lied to us - or we feel stupid for not seeing the 'real' person. The trick, I guess, is to be sufficiently self-aware to keep in mind that while the person isn't the 'love-of-our-dreams', there is much in them that is like that - because a projection won't 'stick' if that person doesn't possess some of those qualities.
Ever tried dialoguing with yourself, or more specifically, the part of yourself that you see reflected in those who attract you? I used to do it by dividing a page in two lengthwise, and writing questions from my 'daily' self on one side, then responding as the desired self on the other. It can be surprisingly enlightening.