Marking time

[sacredchao]

Well that's a year and a half since I started dosing myself with oestrogen. Since my wonderful one year party I've been focussing on reassembling my life. The first year was really just about surviving the start of the transition process. Since then I've been striking out in different directions, especially socially. I've found several corners of Melbourne's queer community and started roller derby. Both of these are glorious and extraordinarily affirming parts of my life now. I'm getting fitter, reclaiming my body, defining myself and placing myself more confidently in the community around me. Predictably there's still an awful lot of unpacking of identity to do but I'm developing a sense of context for things now. Even new realisations or significant delvings into my own motivations and self-perception are easier to integrate into my overall picture of myself. Most of those realisations are also reinforcing very firmly that I'm not delusional or mistaken or otherwise haring off on some misguided tangent. This is a really good process for me and I'm now at the point where I can even see real positives in it beyond the basic movement towards an identity that fits me so much better than the old me ever did. The breadth of points of view afforded me is breathtaking in some respects and is only getting better. I'm finding a new faith in people as a whole as well...the misanthropist in me is forever raising one eyebrow in surprise at how understanding and nice people are on the whole. I was terrified of the ridicule and general nastiness that I had heard of and was expecting and for the most part, it simply hasn't materialised. I think I'm very lucky indeed with regards to where I live and I also think I'm astonishingly lucky with regards to the people I have around me. I now have several independent social circles and they have been universally amazing.

There's still lots to do but I feel like I actually have a life again. Onwards and upwards...

Comments

[ms-kilian.livejournal.com]

Hip hip hooray.

From the outside looking in, joining roller derby was a huge turning point for you (pun intended). Your confidence and sense of self have really bloomed since then.

[sacred-chao.livejournal.com]

That was also about the time I shifted into this secondment at work which has been a very positive thing. I so love not being on the phones.