Smurf me baby, smurf me hard.

[sacredchao]

Ok, so I've internalised the idea that I'm trans and I'm actually good with that to the point that I've heartily embraced it as part of my identity. I've also been examining my sexuality and coming to grips with the idea that while I have distinct preferences with regards to gender, I am in effect bisexual. All good. I'm apparently queer as fuck but I can not merely accept that but be happy with it. Go me. But...I've come across a few articles on polyamory lately and thinking "God, that sounds so SANE." and that's the point where I jack up and think wait...what?

I have so many factors jacking about with my internal levels of desire and ideas of intimacy that I am seriously all over the place. I can't work out if this particular thing is me trying to work my shit out or actually something else I need to factor into my personal intimacy landscape. It doesn't seem to matter that I don't even have *one* partner. A conversation tonight had me thinking about this as a legitimate part of my headspace with respect to how I relate to the idea of intimacy.

So how much of a complete fringe dwelling headcase am I really? All of these particular quirks are completely reasonable but I'm starting to feel like I'm seriously marginalising myself. I mean really...wtf? Therapist session on Saturday. On top of all the other craziness in my life, I think I'm due.

Comments

[felinophile.livejournal.com]

You may find this interesting/helpful/full of headcases
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLovePodcast/Page/

[ant-queen.livejournal.com]

Definitely NOT a complete fringe dwelling headcase :) I've sent you a message via FB with some stuff I think may be useful (or possibly TMI).

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

Theory is useful, it's the reality that determines how sane it is for you.

(The reason I say this is becuase of a phase in my life when I and people around me were spending much time on similar sort of stuff - ideas about how to conduct one's personal/sexual/intimate life that challenged the default hetero model...with the end result that we were more fucked up than ever, IMHO. And no happier. I'm just allergic to theory I guess.)

[monstah.livejournal.com]

We are all complete fringe dwelling headcases....and so is my wife!

Cart/Horse

[ms-kilian.livejournal.com]

I don't mean to be insensitive, and I'm certainly not trying to dismiss your concerns but what I'm about to say is a little challenging: is this something that needs to be defined right now, or is it something that can and will evolve over time, as you have more experiences and interact with more people? A lot of it has to do with trust, with grows over time.
I know that my personal views toward monogamy, commitment etc are ever so slightly more liberal than hubby's. It's irrelevant though, because I've made certain promises and commitments to him. I don't behave in certain ways which IMO are "acceptable" for a married woman to behave, because I've promised him I won't. If ever there comes a time when I'm entering a new/different relationship, these things will be re-negotiated to suit the wants, needs and desires of both me and my prospective partner as at point in time.

[teffania.livejournal.com]

You know how when you think about buying an obscure variety of car, or clothing or gadget you can start to see them everywhere? Polyamory, bisexuality, polyamourous bisexuals, gender change, breaking gendered roles etc all fall in this category - they're everywhere, but things that are usually somewhat hidden until know the signs.

It's all to do with conceptual filters and the things we are taught to filter out as irrelevant, but once we overcome the filter for that instance we instead pick up on the signals. The very fact that there are so many social memes for polyamory ("fuckbudies", "multiple lovers", "what happens on camp stays on camp" "keys in the jar" "by boyfriend and my husband" etc) shows how much there is and how many modes, some very sane and some very insane - just like a monogamus relationship can be. But having put serious thought and communication into any kind of relationship is likely to improve the outcome and sanity of the realtionship, even if it is more work than just slipping into stereotypes.

Lunch sometime after my assignments are in and I'll help reduce your filters?