The knee bone's connected to...lots of things really.

[sacredchao]

And that's another weekend I've run out of and another curtailed in various ways by my injuries. I left the bout after party on Saturday sore enough to be in tears at one point and monumentally pissed off at having to cut the evening short. I did very little today.

I looks like the next stage with the knee is to get a MRI scan to see exactly what the damage is. This is apparently likely to cost something in the order of $300, private health insurance or not. I'll hit my insurance up to see what they're good for but either way, I suspect that this is going to cost me real money to resolve given that the scan will only give an idea what the actual treatment will have to be. Please please not surgery. I have to resolve it though...it's keeping me from both cycling and skating. This is fitness, body image, social life and chunks of my own identity all compromised because of this injury and I am getting progressively more and more upset about it.

I don't want to be sore.
I don't want to be inactive.
I don't want to watch from the sidelines.
I want my fucking body back and I want to have a reason to like it again.

I know a number of people who have been through those sentiments in spades and with sprinkles on top and with no hope of resolution. I wish this gave me a sense of perspective but to be honest, it doesn't. I'm just finding my mood getting progressively darker and I absolutely have to make sure that I'm actually doing something about it or the whole situation is going to get out of control.

Comments

[kateelliott.livejournal.com]

Sympathies. I hate injuries; I hate being inactive; and I, too, hate watching from the sidelines. Good luck.

[ant-queen.livejournal.com]

*empathy* While I've had several years to come to grips with a body that no longer does what it used to, I spent the first year or so being pretty bloody pissed about the situation so I can empathise with what you're feeling right now. All I can suggest is to focus on the long range game. Get a treatment and recovery plan and use your end goal to motivate you to follow it. Make a deal with yourself to not self sabotage your progress and ask friends to help your resolve. Nothing feels worse than doing weeks of steady rehab and going back into things before you've fully recovered and buggering it up again so you're not only back to square one but now need an even longer rehab period. I did that with my shoulder pre-fibro. I hyperextended it and did some damage. Needed probably 8 weeks rehab, but after 6 weeks it was Festival and I threw myself back into heavy fighting. Buggered shoulder worse than before and needed a further 12 weeks before I could start training again. I was kicking myself a lot over that one. Patience is boring, but it pays to play the long range game here.

Best of luck with the MRI. Better to know what you're dealing with and get it sorted sooner rather than later.