Not finished yet.

[sacredchao]

Saturday was eventful. I had my last scheduled appointment with my therapist and it consisted almost entirely of me telling him how thoroughly happy I am. I first walked into his office about three years ago, a very nervous and confused and distressed person. I'm not that person anymore in so many ways that the me that used to be feels more like someone I used to know than someone I used to be. The disconnect is remarkable. The difference made by surgery is so much more than I'd expected and I'm still unraveling that but all of the entangled aspects of it are good. I feel now that I've done all the big stuff and I now have the head space for some fettling of myself and my life.

The cello is obviously one part and I love the thing. My body is still a bit of a focus though. It's coming on to a year since I had regular exercise and I've become fat and soft. The fact that my drinking habits have escalated over that period as well hasn't helped and that's a concern on a few levels. So it's time to do a bit more reclamation. I'm cutting back on alcohol and the plan is to drink none at all during July. I'm also doing a detox diet over the first three weeks. I don't know that the word "detox" is especially meaningful but the basic plan is to break a few bad habits and lose a few physical cravings like caffeine and refined carbohydrates. I probably won't stop drinking altogether but the way I approach it needs a significant rethink. Exercise will obviously have to wait a while - I'm still having to be careful about how much I walk at this stage, never mind anything more strenuous.

On a more superficial level I got a labret piercing on Saturday. I'm most pleased with it and had been getting really good responses to it as well. I'm also still craving ink. I have a fair idea what I'd like a tattoo to look like from a couple of metres away but I'm rather short on content. This needs to happen soon, I think. Now is the time in my life when I want it to happen.

I've done the broad brush strokes, now is the time to erase some smudged pencil lines, blot some excess ink, and fill in some detail. I am still my own project. This is fun.

Comments

[paypabakwriter.livejournal.com]

This is a terrific post! The idea that surgery can have such an effect is lost on so many people. You seem surprised as well and how delightful is that? You have such a good head for knowing what your weaknesses are and dealing with them. Your plan is sound and realistic. I'm so happy to read that this is fun! *hugs*

[twitchfetish.livejournal.com]

Wow. Incredible news :)

Be careful with the bod mods. Tattoos and piercings are HIGHLY addictive...

Although you've probably had the most extreme body mod you can get, so maybe it'd be different for you :P

[sacred-chao.livejournal.com]

This is the thought that has occurred to me a couple of times. People have asked me if it hurt and the answer is yes, but not at a level that matters.

"Hah, you think that's a scar? Let me show you a scar."

There will be a bit of bodymod and I want to get it back into shape as well. It's mine now. I've claimed it, made my mark on it and am finally enjoying living in it. It's like buying a house after a life time of renting and suddenly becoming aware that you can totally paint that mural across the loungeroom wall if you want to.