An uncomfortable seat

[sacredchao]

An odd day today. I've become increasingly aware that I'm uncomfortable using the men's toilets at work. I'm embarrassed to be seen entering or leaving to the point that I hide in the cubicle until they're empty or the only people in there are clearly safely cloistered in their own cubicle so I can escape unseen. It's making me anxious and nervous about the whole process which feels somewhat oppressive. Now this isn't an indictment of my workplace, we've mentioned it as a potential future discussion but I never expected to to take on this level of urgency.

I just don't belong in there and having to squeeze past someone hulking over one of the urinals is getting intimidating. Note that I don't actually have to squeeze past but that's how it *feels*. I guess there's been a degree of consolidation in how I view myself lately and the need to assert and normalise that is getting greater and greater on several fronts, this just being one of the more personally confronting ones. I think I'm going to insist on making this a priority tomorrow, it's really unpleasant.

Comments

[hometime.livejournal.com]

Can you use disabled toilets, which are often non-gendered?

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

I thinks that seems like a very good idea.

FWIW, I've been observing a lot of more sudden changes in you lately, but not ones I can readily pinpoint. Maybe a faster rate of change? Not sure.

[sacred-chao.livejournal.com]

hometime: None on that floor and possibly the building. Not sure what the legalities of that are but that's how it is.

splodge: Oh surely, I suspect I've reached a point where it's concrete enough that I can't go back and I can't really stay where I am so forward is the only way. There have been a lot of little epiphanies and some radical comfort zone expansion. I guess this is just one of those rapid development times.