An uncomfortable seat
Aug. 1st, 2011 08:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
An odd day today. I've become increasingly aware that I'm uncomfortable using the men's toilets at work. I'm embarrassed to be seen entering or leaving to the point that I hide in the cubicle until they're empty or the only people in there are clearly safely cloistered in their own cubicle so I can escape unseen. It's making me anxious and nervous about the whole process which feels somewhat oppressive. Now this isn't an indictment of my workplace, we've mentioned it as a potential future discussion but I never expected to to take on this level of urgency.
I just don't belong in there and having to squeeze past someone hulking over one of the urinals is getting intimidating. Note that I don't actually have to squeeze past but that's how it *feels*. I guess there's been a degree of consolidation in how I view myself lately and the need to assert and normalise that is getting greater and greater on several fronts, this just being one of the more personally confronting ones. I think I'm going to insist on making this a priority tomorrow, it's really unpleasant.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-08-01 11:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-08-01 11:28 am (UTC)FWIW, I've been observing a lot of more sudden changes in you lately, but not ones I can readily pinpoint. Maybe a faster rate of change? Not sure.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-08-01 11:34 am (UTC)splodge: Oh surely, I suspect I've reached a point where it's concrete enough that I can't go back and I can't really stay where I am so forward is the only way. There have been a lot of little epiphanies and some radical comfort zone expansion. I guess this is just one of those rapid development times.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-08-02 03:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-08-02 04:59 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-08-02 06:47 am (UTC)Anyway, I think it boils down to how you are presenting. If you are presenting as female at work, then use the Ladies and I dare them to stop you.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-08-02 10:18 am (UTC)