The dance of life is a hesitation waltz

[sacredchao]

A quiet RDO this month and not nearly as productive as hoped. Still, I count servicing my sleep debt as some sot of productive and I suspect the extra rest time also agreed with my leg. I cycled up to the old flat to check for mail and then back home via the supermarket and the Salvos on Glenhuntly Rd. Very little ouch to be reported although it's annoyingly obvious that I haven't been on a bike for a couple of weeks. I might be able to do some proper exercise in another week or so but that will be very much played by ear and I am not going to dive in early. There's a couple of little localised pain spots that are settling nicely but also feel like they want ample time to finish that process before I do anything notably strenuous. Patience and prudence are the watchwords here, methinks.

A couple of op shop wins today. Funky red trenchcoat and a particularly nice silk top for the princely total sum of just over $20. I am rather pleased with both of them.

I'm feeling ambivalent about relationships again. There is the potential in one for closeness but I'm not sure how I feel about it. There is weirdness on a few levels...physical dissonances, unsureness about emotional reactions...I don't want to give up on that option too easily but neither do I want to fall into something just because that option is there. Being wanted is a terribly powerful thing though.

I realised today that I haven't actually cooked since I moved in here. I'm not sure why that is but my motivation levels are low. I think I really just need to put some food in a pot and make it happen. I can only live on takeaway and sandwiches for so long, no matter how good the sandwiches are. I suspect that things have been disrupted by moving and because my flatmate has already been here for a few years I'm not really viewing this space as mine yet. I feel like a guest rather than a resident. I need to claim the kitchen a bit, resolve the rest of the unpacking and put things back on track. Too many things in my life are on hold right now what with a combination of injury and finances and development of various aspects of myself that can't really be hurried and a strange pervasive procrastination that makes me wonder what I"m scared of so much that I'm putting things off.

Comments

[ms-kilian.livejournal.com]

Feeling like an attractive woman - a marevel development, I'm so happy for you.
Have you told/can you tell the person in question about the dissonance, uncertanty and fearfullness about emotional reactions you are experiencing?

A better way of putting it.

[splodgenoodles.livejournal.com]

To want someone is to be vulnerable, so to be wanted is a powerful thing and it carries great responsibility, and at this point I need to call you Grasshopper and make light of things.
;)

Re: A better way of putting it.

[paypabakwriter.livejournal.com]

I think the cooking and claiming the kitchen will really help you get over the feeling of being a guest. Go for it.